For Brad

Twelve years ago I could have never pictured myself feeling a heart of forgiveness towards you, nor did I want to. That was until I came across this verse in Luke 23:33-34: "And when they came to the place that is called The Skull, there they crucified Him, and the criminals, one on His right and one on His left. And Jesus said, 'Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.'" Though Jesus was being put to death He prayed that God will forgive them because they know not what they do. I realized in that moment how small the pain that you had caused me really was. You never put me to death. You never put a crown of thorns on my head. You never hung me on a cross to die. And yet for the longest time I couldn't forgive you. I could not wrap my head around the idea of hating a seven year old. I couldn't understand who would want to hurt someone's mother. I just couldn't understand. Period. But, now I do. I understand that you "know not what you do". That you don't have the same view of life as me. I understand, and a long twelve years later I can finally tell you that I forgive you. I don't hate you even though many people think I should. More than anything my heart breaks for you. Though you caused me to lose my hope and think that I was worthless. Though you called me awful names and said horrible things about my dad. Though you hurt my mom, physically and emotionally. I forgive you. Beyond forgiving you I want to thank you for teaching me. You taught me that people aren't always who you think, but that I can still love them through their wickedness. You taught me that even through the screaming that God can still hear my cries. You taught me that no amount of violence will make my faith smaller. You taught me that I am much stronger than I had ever known. You taught me to lean on God more than ever. You taught me that even though I am so broken that I can use my brokenness for good, and not for evil. Above all else, you sparked a fire for the Lord in me. And though you will probably never read this post, I do pray that the Lord will grab your heart and turn your eyes toward Him. That you will see that you can use your brokenness for Him, too. I pray that you will see that the God of all the earth is yearning for a relationship with you. He is yearning to show you a love that you have never known. "but God shows His love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us." Romans 5:8.

You Loved my Heart to Death - Shane and Shane
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rem2Sa-xN8Q

Luke 6:35
"But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked."