I Wouldn't Trade This Life

I have spent many years overtaken with anger. I was angry that my friends had two parents in their house and I didn't. I was angry that I was more of a mother to my mom than the other way around. I was angry that people my age had parents to pay for college for them and I didn't. I was just angry. Broken. Confused. And everything else in between. I didn't understand why my life seemed to suck compared to everyone around me. These past years, especially. In three years two of my friends passed away six months apart, I went through an eating disorder and self-harm, my dad passed away, I wasn't able to go to Liberty. It seemed like everything that could happen that I'd never wish to happen to me did. I hated the life that God chose for me. Why couldn't I have two parents madly in love with God and siblings that I get to see more then once a week? Why would God allow me to cry myself to sleep every night begging Him to take the sadness and hurt away? I knew He could, but He didn't. And now that I look back, I'm so thankful for that. Because of the hurt I have gone through I have been able to use my life to shine a beautiful light to others. Especially my beautiful little sister. I have been able to show her, though God's strength, that she is not alone. That she is loved, that it will be okay. He has also used it so that I am able to relate to so many young people that are as broken as I once was. I am able to look at their lives from the inside, not just peeking through a foggy window. I have been able to feel their heartache and just love on them. I have been able to show them that there is a better choice that they can make, and there is a joy like they have never known that is waiting for them. "You then, my child, be strengthened by the grace that is in Christ Jesus, and what you have heard from me in the presence of many witnesses entrust to faithful men who will be able to teach others also. Share in suffering as a good soldier of Christ Jesus. No soldier gets entangled in civilian pursuits, since his aim is to please the one who enlisted him. An athlete is not crowned unless he competes according to the rules. It is the hard-working farmer who ought to have the first share of the crops. Think over what I say, for the Lord will give you understanding in everything." 2 Timothy 2:1-7. I truly think that it was absolutely lovely that God's design had my suffering turned into inspiration to others. I easily could have used my hardships as an excuse to run from God, however ,The Lord of all the earth reached His loving hand down and said "Not this one, she's MINE". Three years ago if you had asked me if I could change my life and avoid the suffering I would have said "Yes! in a heartbeat". However, today I would say "No, never in a million years".

"Thank You, Lord for bringing me through every storm. Thank You for never leaving my side. Thank You for showing me that Your grace is sufficient. And above all else, thank You for the life of heartache that You have given me. Amen."


Though You Slay Me - Shane and Shane
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VlTtWQRNock


2 Corinthians 12:9-10
“But He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”