My Call to Stay

These past three years my sense of wanderlust has burned like a wildfire inside of me. It seems like every month I'm planning a new road trip adventure, or I'm planning a future adventure to be had. When I was younger my grandparents traveled a lot and I remember thinking "how cool! I want to do just that when I get older!" And so I did. I went to more places than I expected Alaska, Kentucky, New York, Florida etc. I was simply loving it! I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my days with this adventurous heart. So I started looking at missions trips, some in the US, some elsewhere. Until a friend of mine told me about an AMAZING opportunity in Georgia. So I started looking into it. I would be working with refugees (which would have helped towards my desired major) for two months! I started my application, but I didn't turn it in for almost a month and a half. I had an uneasy feeling, but I thought it was me just being nervous to do this so I brushed it off and applied. For the next week and a half I emailed back and forth with some people who were running it, but I couldn't shake this "iffy" feeling.

I went to a Christian Leadership Conference for the weekend and Saturday morning we walked through the woods in silence. The man leading said "I want you to pray that God will open your heart to anything He wants to say to you". To be honest, I was nervous, almost as if I knew what the "thing" that He wanted to tell me was, but I did it anyway. For the five minutes or so that we were walking I knew that God was telling me "No, Devon. This isn't where I want you". However, being my stubborn self I tried to reason and then decided just to ignore it and move on with my day. Later that day I attended a workshop called "Getting out of Your Comfort Zone". I raised my hand and told the people in the room of when I followed God and left my comfort zone to go to another church and what WONDERFUL things He showed me because of it. After I spoke I felt like it was me preaching to myself, and I knew that was His plan. If God did these amazing things when I listened to Him for that, imagine what amazing things He will do for me in this!

When Monday rolled around I got the email that she had received word from all my references and she wanted to schedule a phone interview. I was ecstatic and sick all in one; I agreed to talk to her later that week and then she sent me an email that really hit me. Part of it read "I can't wait to hear more about your call to ministry". In that moment I realized, that I was never called to that ministry. I told God that I was going, He never told me, I knew that I had to tell her. So, I did. She said that she was glad that I listened to the words of the Lord, and wished me the best. I felt so free after that moment. Yes, it would have been an unbelievable experience, but I knew that experience wasn't for me.

I knew what God had called me to do. I have known since 4th grade when I first started going to camp. But, I fought against Him for my plans next summer because I didn't feel like His were big enough. I felt like I needed to leave Ohio to reach people, but in the same I knew that wasn't true. I know that God has brought me through tremendous trials so that I can speak love into young girls who are going through exactly what I did. God has made me a relatable person so that I can reach those who think that no one understands their pain, and I know that is where HE wants me. I have been through abusive households, split-households, losing a parent, being a parent to a parent, moving out when I was 12, self-harm, and eating disorder, falling in love with someone who didn't care and so on. I refuse to not use my life as a living testimony for Him, just because I think that I need to be somewhere else to do so.

I would rather live within His will and know that is where He wants me than live in my own will and know that He wanted me elsewhere.


Here I am - Downhere
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Thn4fgLvOfo


Hebrews 13:20-21
"Now may the God of peace who brought again from the dead our Lord Jesus, the Great Shepherd of the sheep, by the blood of the eternal covenant, equip you with everything good that you may do His will, working in us that which is pleasing in His sight, through Jesus Christ, to Whom be glory forever and ever. Amen."