Blessed with Singleness

I used to be "that girl". You know, that girl that always needed validation from a guy. The one who was always talking to someone. I would break guy's hearts just to know I could. Yet, I would say that I was okay with being single, when in reality, it was obvious that I hated it. The saddest part about it was that every one knew, except me.

I once heard a quote that said "You can't love someone else if you don't love yourself". That sure was the truth! At the time I hated myself (hence why I purposely broke guys hearts, just for the thrill of knowing "I was worth it"). I never knew anything except a selfish love, not a selfless love. A love where I was benefitted, even if it meant that the other person wasn't. I lived my life with one foot out the door so that I could leave before they did. Yet, I wanted so badly to be in a relationship.

It took me years to be "okay" with being single. To be "okay" to not always be texting a guy. To be "okay" to wait.

Now, two years later I can finally say that I am blessed with singleness. I came to that realization on Sunday morning during worship. That time was between me and my Savior, my Creator, my Abba Father, and no one else. It wasn't put on the back burner because I had a unhealthy relationship on my mind (which, if I would have continued, that's what I would have). It wasn't in obligation that my man was raising his hands so I should. I was able to raise my hands in praise to the one who created me and say, "Lord, I trust You. I don't want anyone by my side unless you are made first. Unless they are next to be so deep into worship that their heart yearns for more of YOU".

Let me tell you, a peace washed over me in that moment. For the first time I was completely and utterly content with being single. I was content knowing that I can take that time that I would spend with them to pray for them, wherever they are.

I realized, in that moment, that I need to take my eyes off of me and "Boohoo, I've been single for nineteen years. This is terrible. Blah. Blah. Blah." and put my eyes on Him. I need to long for Him more than I long for a boyfriend. I need to pray over my future man, every time I feel the urge to complain. I need to strengthen my vertical relationship before I work on a horizontal.

Once I learned to be content in the little thing that seemed to control my life I was able to be content in so much more. The Lord has taken away much from me last week and I was able to say "Okay, Lord, this is in Your hands. I trust You with this". And I was given a quiet spirit before my Savior. I was able to give up my anxieties to Him. And through Him I am learning selfless love.

In society today they often tell you that if you don't have someone by your side that there is something wrong with you. Well, let me let you in on a secret... there is nothing wrong with you. If you are single, enjoy that time. Take that time to do the things you love. Spend that time with the people you love. Take a road trip with friends (that's what I'm doing in three weeks!). Learn a new hobby. Most importantly, spend that time with your Savior. Get to know His face more. Make Him your number one until you long for someone else to feel that connection with you.

If you are struggling with singleness I urge you to pray. Pray that the Lord will quiet your heart. Pray that He will make you wait until He is ready. Pray for patience. And pray for your future spouse. Pray that when that spouse comes along that He will come first. Pray, pray, pray. Prayer is so powerful. Our God is so powerful.


Healing Begins - Tenth Avenue North
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=88xHIwd4CWM


1 Corinthians 13:4-7
"Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things."