Falling in Love

 

"For You formed my inward parts; You knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are Your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from You, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth." ~Psalm 139:13-15.

 

I have heard time and time again, "You can't completely love someone else until you learn to love yourself." Though I used to brush it off like it was not true, not for me at least, this last year I realized that that was the absolute truth. I've realized the more I have fallen in love with my Savior, the more I have fallen in love with myself, and the more I have fallen in love with those around me. Not through earthly, "I love you because you did ____." but through heavenly, "I love you because my Father loves you, and just as He gave His life for me, He also gave His life for you."

 

One of my biggest regrets is not using my four years in high school to proclaim His name boldly. If people agreed with me then I spoke about it, but if not forget it! Looking back now, it was not only because I had become stagnant in my faith (which I will talk about later on), but also because I stopped loving myself. In the loss of love for myself, I started using other's approval as my self-esteem. I wanted to avoid all means that would cause someone to not be feeding me approval so I tiptoed around the talk of my SAVIOR. But, that was such a dangerous thing because I was using critics who were earthly and selfish. Ones who followed whatever suited them for that time, ones who had an inconsistent love for me. And in that I muted His voice and the truth of His love.

 

Another thing that caused me to not love myself fully is the fact that I had become stagnant in my faith. I reached a point in my life where I was comfortable with where I was at, not only because I could avoid the truth of my lukewarm faith but also because I didn't fully grasp the importance of my daily bread. To me, devotions were a foreign concept and a chore. I would find myself spending more time flipping through pages to find the "right words" to fill me than I would spend listening to His voice. There's a reason I wrote this one second, because in these past few months I realized that I have become a leader for God. And that isn't because I ask google "What are some verses that talk about beauty / strength / love etc." but it is because each morning I wake up earlier to pray and ask God what He wants to speak to me that day. It is because I started a relationship with Him, more than just a religion. It is because I am listening to His truths about who I am to Him more than I am listening to what the word is saying that I am to it.

 

The big reason I wanted to write this blog is because I have realized the importance of love for myself and those around me. I have eighty days until I spend 2 1/2 months (or so) pouring out to my camp girls each week. Something I avoided last year. If I'm honest, I am so glad that I avoided it for a few reasons. One being, I didn't love myself yet. I was wearing extensions and thinking of ways to keep them in shape at camp, I also was planning on wearing makeup so that I looked my best in pictures. I soon realized that I was still so inward focused that my ministry would have been directly impacted. How was I going to tell my girls that they were fearfully and wonderfully made if I didn't believe it myself?

On top of that, last year I found myself in deep anxiety of not having the right words to speak, so (naturally) I googled, "Verses about _____" and wrote them in the back of my old Bible. I am still so blown away and embarrassed by this. I am thinking about how summer would have went. I wasn't in my Bible every day soaking in His words like I do now. I couldn't have directed them to encouraging verses or speak truth over them if I didn't deeply know what that truth was. Let alone, fully believe these truths enough to bring me to awe in Him and in His creation (including myself). 

 

The amazing thing about the last few sentences that I typed above is that I realized that there is a direct correlation with God's love and your view of yourself. Once I saw that I was made in His image, fearfully and wonderfully made, loved by my Creator I learned what true love was. I learned what selfless love was. And I learned to fall in love with myself.

 

 

Genesis 1:27

"So God created mankind in His own image, in the image of God He created them; male and female He created them."