Wildest Dreams

              

"I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength."

Today at work two of my girls in class (age 4 & 5) were walking around with baby dolls playing mommy. They fed them, clothed them, sang to them, took them on play dates etc. I realized instant joy come to their eyes, almost as if they filled a purpose that they have been designed to fill. A mother. 

Something that I want to be more than anything is a wife and a mother. I always have been. But I was highly convicted a few months back when an old friend posted a status that read something along the lines of, "If I am blessed with the opportunity to have children." I remember that my first thought was, "Of course you will be. What do you mean 'if you are blessed'? That's ridiculous." However, I pondered that split-second thought. They were right. I was so humbled by that realization.  

No, this isn't a blog where I am coming out to tell you that I got word that I will not be able to be a mother, thankfully. However, this is a blog about idols and trust in His plans over mine.

Idols: I'm sure your first thought is, "Dev, how can motherhood be an idol?" And my answer is simple... Is it all you think about? If I'm honest, it was almost all I thought about. A few months back some friends at Bible study had us write down that we wanted to be. For me I wrote down things such as "Graduate. Camp Counsoler. Mother. Wife." And a handful of other things. Now, this is where things changed, they told us to cross off the things we would be willing to let go of if God said, "No". And you bet that "Mother" did not get crossed off that night. After a few minutes they asked us to pray over the ones we hadn't crossed off. Pray for God to help us let Him have control. I found myself sobbing at the thought of not being a mom. I had let something as innocent as motherhood become an idol in my life.

The next thing is trust: I truly do think that idolization and trust go hand-in-hand. I think that when we start to idolize is when we don't fully trust that God's plan is bigger than our plan. Something I have been learning over and over is to trust, especially with this reoccurring verse, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him and he will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5-6. I highlighted all your heart, and all your ways because if something is on the throne of your heart, part of your heart is committed to that something. Whether that is work, a boyfriend, your time, motherhood etc. and if part of your heart and ways are committed to that idol, then only part of your heart and ways can be committed to the Lord. However, that's not what this verse is asking. It says ALL for a reason. I have been learning to trust Him will all my heart in all my life, even if that means that I will not be a mother. Why? Because I trust that God's plans in not being a mother will be way bigger than my plans in being a mother. I'm not saying that the thought of that possibility doesn't scare me, or upset me from time to time, but what I'm saying is that God has been sovereign for the past twenty years, and I know that He will continue to be sovereign for the next twenty years plus.

Now, this motherhood example is just one example of many that I could have used. However, this is a topic that is near and dear to many women. Including myself. I want to encourage you in this, if the Lord calls you to give Him your wildest dreams, no matter what it is, trust Him. We have a very small picture of our lives in comparison to the Creator of time itself. 

Isaiah 55:8-9 

"'For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways My ways,' declares the Lord. 'As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your waysand my thoughts than your thoughts."